I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
