my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
