I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
