Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
