thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
