lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
