I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
