Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
