In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
