He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
