Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
