this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
