I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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