I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
