He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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