There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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