my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
