if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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