Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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