absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
