dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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