Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
