I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
