I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All the doctor said was why
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
