you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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