found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
