We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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