you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love having hate sex.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize