I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
