If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize