Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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