I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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