When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
