Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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