Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
