i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
God, I missed his penis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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