mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
