fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
