my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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