I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
