I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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