Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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