Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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