I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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