wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
