Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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