I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
