my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
