dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
