I just threw up on my dentist
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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