so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
