whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
