She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
