Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
