Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
