am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
