so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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