It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
