I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
