using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
