i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
