she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
