yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
