and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
