so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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