I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
