You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
