like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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