shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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